Obituary of Alice Ruhe
RUHE VALENTEYN, Alice (nee Groot)
Passed away peacefully on Wednesday, April 29, 2020 at the age of 96. Predeceased by her first spouse, Tony Valenteyn and her second spouse Peter Ruhe. Loving mother and stepmother of John (Brenda) Valenteyn, Frances (Tom) Pettigrew, Tina Valenteyn, Tony (Rachel) Ruhe, Fred (Lynn) Ruhe, Joanne (Dave) Gray, the late Matt (Arlene) and the late Mary (Kurt). Cherished grandmother to Jeremy, Tony and Jacqulyn Jones, Brian and David Pettigrew, Beau, Patrick, Chantal and Kevin Rivard, Marty and Susan Ruhe, Alex and Adrienne Ruhe-Lischke, Peter, Frederick, Miriam, Ruth, Sylvia, Bettina, and Elisabeth Ruhe, of Norway. Beloved Oma of Lindsay Jonovich. Great-grandmother to many great-grandchildren. Much loved sister of Martin (Nel) and Gre in Holland. Alice will be fondly missed by her nieces and nephews in Canada and in Holland.
Visitation will be held at the GEORGE DARTE FUNERAL HOME, 585 Carlton St., St. Catharines on Saturday, August 22 from 11 a.m. - 1 p.m.. A Celebration of Alice’s life will follow in the funeral home ceremony room at 1 p.m. Inurnment will follow at Oakwood Cemetery, Lakeshore Road, Port Colborne.
TRIBUTE TO ALICE RUHE – (by step-daughter, Joanne Gray) Aug. 22, 2020
I’d like to begin by expressing my appreciation to every one of you for being here today - some of you have travelled far distances and to those of you on the livestream, thank you for taking the time to join us to celebrate the life of Alice Valenteyn Ruhe, a woman whose life binds all of us together in a very special way.
I feel so honored to say a few words on behalf of my father’s side of the family, so in preparation, I asked Fred, Arlene, Kurt & Tony for their special memories of Alice that I could share with you today – memories of this wonderful woman who entered our family, kind of unexpectedly 43 years ago. As I gathered information from each of them, I was amazed, (although I shouldn’t have been) that we all felt the same about Alice - how from the start, she was so welcoming. She treated us as her own children and our children, as her grandchildren. She made no difference between us. We felt respected, she met us at our own level, was easy to get along with. She didn’t complain…….much.
And during difficult times, she didn’t make things worse. She wasn’t judgmental. She was not a drama queen by any means, but a calm, steady influence that we could on. As Tony puts it, ‘She was just a good woman.’ And although she was not our biological mother and didn’t raise us, Alice was the best 2nd Mom we could ever have asked for.
But most of all, we loved her because she brought sunshine back into our father’s life. He was in a deep, dark hole after our Mom died and she brought him out of that. We got to watch him blossom before our eyes. For that, we will be forever grateful.
My Dad once said to me, regarding his 2 marriages: ‘You know, life was really good the first time with your Mom, and it’s really good the second time with Alice.’ He felt like he’d won the Jackpot twice in a row - and he did! Alice was the perfect second wife for our Dad. She had same background, enjoyed same activities, ate same kind of food, spent money the same…….well….except for……her hair. She had a thing about going to the hairdresser every week, but that’s OK, she was worth it!
When she turned 90, her children put on a big birthday bash for her. Most of you here attended that and will remember the song we sang to her. It was especially written for her with 9 verses, 1 for each decade. We sang it again when she turned 95, and each time, Alice absolutely loved it! I can remember looking over at her as we were singing – she was smiling from ear to ear, swaying in her chair & waving that 1 finger in the air.
I’d like to read the first and last verses of that song for you today. The first verse reads:
‘Our eyes have seen the wonder of the life of Alice Ruhe,
She has been an inspiration to all those she ever knew!
She’s a sister, wife, a mother, Oma and Great Oma too!
We love you, Alice Ruhe!’
And we did love her for so many reasons:
Kurt loved talking soccer with Alice. They would always joke around, with Kurt being German and Alice being Dutch, it would sound like: ‘The Germans are going to win the World Cup this year.’ ‘Oh, no, no! Holland’s going to win for sure!’ They so much enjoyed this bantering back and forth. And when Kurt’s son & daughter, Alex & Adrienne were young, whenever Kurt told them Oma & Opa were coming to visit, they’d get all excited and immediately ask, ‘Are they bringing Oma’s soup?’
Oh! That soup that we all enjoyed so much! With the chicken and noodles and meatballs. No one could make soup like Oma!
Tony & Rachel in Norway loved those regular visits from Oma & Opa. Every 2 years they’d fly there for a week or 10 days to reconnect with them and their 7 grandchildren whose biggest memory today, even now after they’re all grown is that whenever Oma & Opa came to visit, all 7 of them got presents! It was like Christmas twice that year!
Arlene said that when she & Matt would visit Alice every Sunday morning at the retirement home, they’d always bring her a Tim Horton’s coffee and a Boston Cream Donut. That was the one she wanted. She’d be ready, sitting in her chair waiting for them and when they came, the first thing Matt would do is give her the donut and then pour the coffee out of the Tim Horton’s cup into another cup with a handle so she could hold it better, and by the time he handed her the coffee, the donut was GONE! For someone with diabetes, she got away with a lot! But then, Alice became gluten sensitivity so – no more donuts. And even after Matt died which will be 4 years ago tomorrow, Arlene continued visit Alice every week, bringing coffee and no donut. Thank you Arlene!
Fred would visit on Wednesdays and he also brought her the same coffee and donut, but when she couldn’t have donuts anymore, he had the idea of bringing her a big bar of dark chocolate instead. And he was so impressed because she didn’t eat it all at once. She only ate 1-2 pieces/day, because ‘After all,’ he said, ‘she was smart - she didn’t want to die young!’
Joanne – I visited on Thursdays but I didn’t bring anything. I figured my brothers sugared her up enough. One of my fond memories of Alice, among many others, is her knitting, of which we’ve all seen a wonderful display today. Apparently though Alice knew how to knit before, it wasn’t until after she married my Dad that she really got into it. All the grandchildren were well supplied with homemade sweaters and hats and slippers, and some of us adults got them too. As she became more experienced, the patterns got more and more intricate and beautiful. I still proudly wear a spring & fall coat that she made for me decades ago.
We all loved Alice and we all miss her, but our hearts go out especially to Tina, Frances & John who were so devoted to their Mom, especially in the last 14 yrs after our Dad died. We know that you were so devoted to her because she was so devoted to you. You learned that from her and we learned it from all of you. Thank you for that and for sharing your great Mom with us.
Alice lived a long, full life and so it’s understandable that her absence leaves a great void. She truly has been, as it says in verse 1 of her birthday song, ‘an inspiration to all those she ever knew’, but even though she’s gone, I know we will keep her memory alive because we can’t help but live out the example and values she taught us,
I’d like to conclude by reading the last verse of Alice’s birthday song which I’ve revised for today. It reads:
‘What a great example she has been throughout the years,
Working hard through good and bad times, happiness and fears.
We have been so blessed to know her and we now all say with tears.
We miss you, Alice Ruhe!’
