Obituary of Lynn Alice Choma

CHOMA, Lynn “Mic” (nee McCartney)

Died peacefully at Hospice Niagara on Saturday, September 28, 2019, with loving family by her side. Mic is survived by her husband of 45 years, Ron Choma and two daughters, Becky Choma (Craig Leger) and Lexy Choma (Cory Lang), and was the caring and silly “Nana” of Everett and Iris. She is also survived by her devoted sister Joan Gordon, and brothers and sister in law, Mike and the late Helen, Eugene, and Ruth-Anne Choma. Her extended family include many cousins, nieces and nephews, and great nieces and nephews. 

Mic was born in 1950 in northern England and celebrated her fourth birthday on the boat to Canada. She attended Merritton High School, and the University of Western Ontario. She dedicated her life to helping others, as a mother, friend, volunteer especially Victim Support Services, and transitional support worker helping women of domestic violence. Her true passion was making people laugh. She loved spending time with friends and family, cooking, swimming in the pool, and being ‘up north’ at a cottage. Mic was an avid bookworm, golfer, and played volleyball and tennis. Her favourite thing was being with her grandchildren.

Mic and her family are forever appreciative of Dr. Janice Giesbrecht and the staff at Walker Family Cancer Centre and Hospice Niagara for their support (and lots of giggles – we always found space for smiles and laughs) (She only wished she had met them earlier in life and under different conditions; they are truly exceptional people). Mic believed that life is about the journey, and living for, and loving each other. Visitation will take place at the GEORGE DARTE FUNERAL HOME, 585 Carlton St., St. Catharines, on Tuesday, October 1, 2019 from 2-4 p.m. and 6-8 p.m. with Prayers at 7:30 p.m. Funeral Mass will be held at St. John Ukrainian Church, 91 Lakeshore Rd., St. Catharines, on Wednesday, October 2, 2019 at 11 a.m. Cremation will follow the Mass. In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Walker Family Cancer Centre or Hospice Niagara.

Eulogy

Lynn Alice Choma, or as most of you know her, “Mic”, was born Lynn McCartney on 23 April 1950 in North Shields, a town in north eastern England, on the North Sea. She was born to Margaret and John McCartney, with an older sister Joan eagerly awaiting her arrival… None of them knowing that their lives would soon, never be quiet again. My mom celebrated her 4th birthday on the boat emigrating to Canada. She grew up in a house my Grandpa finished building in a neighbourhood called Merritton in St. Catharines. She attended Ferndale elementary school and Merritton High school. Being 8 years younger than her sister Joan, my mom often had a built-in baby sitter, and a keen observer of her life. I have it on good authority that my mom was a precocious and spirited child – something that surprises none of us. My mom and aunt confessed that my mom would blackmail her sister to get what she wanted or else would “tell Mummy”! My grandmother spent a good portion of her time trying to get my mom to stop talking in places she was supposed to be quiet – like church. Apparently, my grandma worried that if my mom got her eyes on the moon, she’d want it! My mom was a lifelong learner, something that began early. She excelled in school and in sports, eventually attending the UWO. In the early 70s, my mom started dating a man named Ron Choma – a dorky basketball guy. They met in the summer – my mom was running children’s camps and my dad painting schools. My parents married in September 1974, recently celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary. Eventually, after 5 years of what I can only imagine to be a lonely and unfulfilling period, my parents had me; and 3 years later, my sister, Lexy. This positioned my sister and I as mandatory spectators of my parents and their marriage. And, true to themselves, they kept it entertaining. Let me be clear, my parents adore each other. And, primarily, okay entirely, because of my mom, my parents were the best role models of healthy relationships, and navigating life and all it throws at you. Lucky for my sister and I, they never argued about anything too monumental. Instead, their arguments were on more pressing matters, like, my mom’s salad. Most summers we would ram ourselves into a car and head north to a cottage. On one of these trips – and might I add that the drive was 5.5-6 hours – we got stuck in horrible traffic. As we sat at a standstill, my dad decided to break the peaceful silence with an unprompted observation: “you know Mic, I’ve never really liked your salad” – SILENCE. My dad dove back in: “you know who makes a good salad? – Moe”. My sister and I panicked looking for anywhere to escape. There was no where. We hunkered down, hoping for the best. This, let’s call it the Salad Incident of ’89 still haunts us. Since that incident, every time anyone makes a salad, someone, in fact everyone in our family has to say, “you know who makes a good salad”? Because that is what my family does. We never let you live down anything. Instead, all of our stumbles and falls are celebrated over and over and over again, often with as much humour as we can jam into each celebration. It might sound silly, but it taught us that nothing is as bad as it seems; and you can always roll with anything that life throws at you. My mom (and dad) did that. She made us strong, and she used humour (and a whole lot of love) to do it. She also taught us the importance and gift of caring and giving. My mom volunteered for literally anything and everything, and she dragged my sister and I with her. Coaching gymnastics, swish and spit team at Oakridge, school trips, to name only a few. And my mom was always there to listen and be supportive. My sister and I would roll our eyes at the endless parade of our friends that would come to talk to our mom about things on their mind or situations they couldn’t quite navigate. She taught me early on that sometimes, often times, you don’t offer to help, you just do it. And that when others help or support you, you show appreciation and gratitude. Said plainly, my mom taught us how to be good people – and if you know my dad, you realise this was an uphill battle for her. Woven through all of my mom’s traits and stories, there is humour and fun. And she used these incredible traits of hers for good. My mom would talk to anyone anywhere, and always with the goal of brightening their day, making them smile, and hopefully, making them laugh or giggle. My grandmother, my mom’s mom, was in Continuing Care at the hospital for 18 months before she died. One Christmas, one of the entertainers for the Christmas party had fallen through – I was only 14 at the time. My mom, being my mom, didn’t hesitate. She ran around grabbing anything she could locate: rubber gloves, hats, and somehow, a rubber chicken. She then performed the 12 days of Christmas frantically switching between outfits and props as patients, nurses, doctors and family sang and cried with laughter. I was in total awe; yet, it was just my mom being my mom. My sister and I have so many good memories. She was the most amazing mom. Always supportive. We had movie nights, amazing Halloween costumes, homemade everything – my favourites were mac and cheese, nachos, and an endless supply of books. She was a willing audience for our endless plays, dances, and synchronized swimming routines. My childhood was the stuff of dreams, and that is because of her. I will consider myself successful as a mum if I can be half as good a mom as her. The only thing she was better at than ‘mom’ was Nana. She soaked in all of it with her grandchildren. Whatever world they wanted to create or play in, she was right there with them. She adored them, cherished them, and challenged them. And she was my check-in to make sure I wasn’t going off course as a mum. What I love most about my mom is her ability to fill a space, in an entirely good way. She fills in the corners and under chairs. She wanted to touch people and make them smile or laugh – especially those she could tell needed some extra love. The last 2 years had many health hurdles. And she took every single one in stride. True to herself, and the way our family apparently tackles anything, humour was our best friend. We made fast friends with people in oncology and Hospice Niagara. Treatment Thursdays were mostly about giggles and laughs in between the serious stuff. Even the last few months, my mom took it all in stride, soaking up the good stuff and making people smile and laugh. As we left Hospice Niagara, the family of a man in a room next to us shared how happy they were to have us in the next room. They said the giggles and laughs warmed their hearts, and made their journey a bit lighter. They too could see her unbelievable strength, big heart, and zest for life – right down to the last minute. Her and I talked a lot about life and death, and hurdles. We agreed that we all have dark clouds that follow us. And her and I agreed that even though it is there, it doesn’t mean you have to live under it. You can dance in the rain or soak up the sunshine just beyond it. There is always a silver lining. My dark cloud is that my mom is gone too early. I wanted her to be a little old lady that annoyed me and I had to talk loudly too. But the silver lining is that she will always be with me, and you. People touch us, affect us, transform us, and that doesn’t change just because they are not physically here. My mom wanted me to tell you to go out there and grab life and everything about it; she said don’t hold back, you have nothing to lose.

I never met Lynn Alice McCartney.....I only and have ever known Mic Choma, and for many of you that would be true. Mic and I met 30 years ago, when she and her two little girls came into the Parent Child Resource Centre at Bethlehem Place where I worked to donate the toys the girls had out grown. I learned quickly that 4 things were true about Mic....she was generous, she believed strongly in social justice causes, she was funny and she LOVED in a really big way. Mic went to Western, as Becky mentioned and along with her academic career she was a Western Mustangs Cheerleader. She was a really good athlete and loved to encourage people, and even after some of her physical skills diminished she stayed a cheer leader: She cheered for: her girls as they grew into remarkable young women....she was so very proud of both of you. She watched you carry on her love of learning and people and social justice. She cheered for her husband. Ron, just a few weeks ago at hospice she and I chatted about how much she loved you and how proud she was to be your wife. She cheered for everyone in her clan and was fierce in her desire to protect and love all of you ...most especially her grandchildren. She was also a cheerleader for those of us who were her friends....she was encouraging and kind but equally able to “tell it like it was”. Good friends do that for one another and Mic was a good friend! Mic’s generosity was exceptional...she gave of her time as a volunteer for Victims Services....she gave of her passion when she worked with women who had experienced domestic violence and she gave away food! I know of no one who ever went to Mic and Ron’s and didn’t go home with leftovers...and she was a great cook. When she was working at BP with her clients if someone needed clothes for their kids or some extra diapers or groceries Mic would show up with the need and when she was asked how that could be she would say “oh, there is a special fund”....I don’t know if any of those women knew the fund was the Choma bank account because she saw a need and met it but would never take credit for it. She was just THAT Woman. I have heard Mic described in the last few days as feisty and a spitfire and that would be accurate...she hated injustice and would be the first person to take on a cause and wrestle it to the ground. Every moment of her life will be remembered by someone somewhere. Some of us watched over these last two years as she fought valiantly to be positive and upbeat in the face of a challenging prognosis....and she was opinionated about lots of things....often; and if you were confused about that, one only had to ask how she felt about Donald Trump.

She was also sweet and gentle....I watched her read to Everett and Iris and make sure they had exactly what they needed. As recently as last week she was worrying about and praying for the man in the next room at hospice. Did you know that she once did CPR on a chipmunk that had fallen in their pool and revived it? She was THAT woman. We spent many nights on the front porch watching thunderstorms or sitting in the backyard around the chiminea looking up at the stars....she loved nature and I am certain I will never experience another storm without wishing she were there with me....and because of her I can actually find the big dipper. Some of you will have memories of rounds of golf with her, or tennis tournaments or volleyball. Some of you will have memories of cottage or Bunkie nights. All of us will have stories to tell and please tell them because they will keep Mic’s memory alive. All of us who knew her knew she had an amazing sense of humor...the girl was funny! She made us laugh right up until the last few days and she made the staff at hospice laugh too....she left an impression wherever she went. Mic did have some faults.....but she made me promise not to talk about most of them....she had no sense of direction and got lost often in North end St Catharines. She didn’t take directions well...shall we say, she liked to be in charge....she gave directions! She hated driving on the QEW and was not at all comfortable on the Burlington skyway but for the first few years I knew her she actually convinced me that she just liked the view of the lake from under the bridge so we went that way. Mic was not known for her ability to get out of the house on time...and if you ever went shopping with her you had to deal with the reality that she would make friends with every store clerk....we called her “Mic the magnet “. 2 years ago when Mic was just finishing her 1st round of chemo she and I went to Buffalo to get away and do some Christmas shopping. I booked a hotel that promised a lovely room with an activity table....she asked me what that was and I honestly had no idea but we learned that it was a very tiny room with two chairs and a small round table....and the activity may have included really bad junk food and perhaps a little wine....did I mention that Mic enjoyed white wine? We went every year until last year when she was not up to it....stories of what became known as “activity table weekends” were on Mic’s list of what not to say in the eulogy. The last couple of years it has been a privilege to walk with Mic as she came to grips with her illness and leaned deeper into her faith. She was confident in her love of God and her belief that she would go to heaven and she her mom and dad. She loved the Lord in a quiet but steadfast way. Lee Iacco is famous for having said that when you die if you’ve got 5 real friends then you have had a great life....today would be evidence that Mic had a great life! One day when we were hanging out on her bed because the dizziness kept her down we talked about heaven and I read her this quote another good friend had shared with me. When we come to the edge of the light as we know it, and we are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of this, you can be sure... Either God will provide us something solid to stand on or we will be taught to fly. Mic told me she liked the idea of flying.....and I choose to believe she got to fly on Saturday evening. She will be missed and was so loved ....she has left us all better because she was THAT woman!